We now live in a day where these things are not as clear as they used to be…dowry’s are a thing of the past (and good riddance!) So how do you ask your family if they will/can pitch in for your Big Day?
Some family’s plan for this and are forthcoming with what they will provide. When I got married my family handed me an amount of cash to do whatever I wanted with, whether it was for the wedding, honeymoon, down payment on a house. They did the same with my brothers. We all got the same amount, we all had the same choices.
Some families don’t have the means to plan that far ahead and this can be a big stress on them. Families typically want to help but may be unable to. In these cases we suggest that you let them pay for one thing, whether it be the dress, the cake, the flowers, etc. This will help them be able to contribute and be involved but also not make them stress so much about having to pay for a whole wedding.
How to ask…money is a touchy subject for everyone, whether you are sitting on a pile of gold or a pile of debt. It will always be a hard conversation to start, here are some of our suggestions.
- Make sure you sit down with your fiance beforehand to know what each of your expectations for the wedding are. Big or small, lavish or simple, local or destination? This will help you set a loose budget before speaking with your families.
- Invite your family over for dinner, we suggest not doing both sides of family at the same time because that could get awkward or competitive. Try not to beat around the bush and simply ask “Are you comfortable making a contribution to our wedding?” This will open up the conversation.
- Don’t ever make your families feel guilty. If your fiances family can give more, don’t throw that in your own families face.
- If your families want to help out, make sure that they aren’t trying to take control. This is your wedding after all. If they begin making demands (making you invite your Great Aunt Ethel perhaps) then maybe it’s not worth taking their gift.
- Make sure that this is not a loan, but rather a gift. If your families will hold this “gift” over your head then don’t take it.
Remember, this is your wedding, it’s supposed to be a celebration of your love for one another, not a celebration of money.
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